I’m twenty, I look twelve, and feel thirty-five. I’ll probably become best friends with your mom (not your dad, he’s an asshole) or your teacher or your gay uncle.

If you want to truly understand who I am at the core of my personality, read the following books: Tina Fey’s Bossypants, and Jill Soloway’s Tiny Ladies in Shiny Pants. Don’t look too hard into the fact that “pants” is a part of both of those titles, because I actually really enjoy wearing dresses. But pants are a solid choice, too.

Well first off, if you haven’t read Bossypants, why the fuck are you even on my Tumblr? You’re in the wrong place. But anyway…

• I’m a junior at Columbia College Chicago, an art school in the heart of downtown Chicago
• I’m a Television Writing/Production major and will one day write the words that actors on TV will say and you’ll laugh at—and probably even cry at
• I’m also an occasional improv student at iO, which is also pretty awesome because I get to learn from people who are much funnier than I
• I am a master of pop-culture, a walking television reference guide, with a fairly advanced vocabulary (though heavily peppered with expletives), and am one sarcastic motherfucker
• I aspire to be a combination of the following fantastic women: Rachel Griffiths, Tina Fey, Megan Mullally, Amy Poehler, Alice Ripley, Jennifer Lawrence, Rachel Dratch, Mindy Kaling, Kay Cannon, Jill Soloway, and Patricia Clarkson
• I aspire to fuck the following men, either individually or all at once in a giant orgy: Peter Krause, Michael C. Hall, Jimmy Fallon, Eric McCormack, Alan Rickman, Nick Offerman, Dave Annable, Josh Hutcherson, Michael Fassbender, Jason Bateman, Jon Hamm, Gilles Marini, and Alexander Skarsgard
• I worship NBC with every fiber of my being, rainbow peacock for life! I will one day have an office in 30 Rock and I’ll grin and giggle uncontrollably with excitement every morning as I walk into work
• I really, really enjoy astrology. I’m a Gemini to the core and will over-analyze who you are based on your sign as soon as I find out your birthday. Holla at me fellow Geminis, Libras, Ariens, Taureans, Pisceans, Aquarians, and Leos, as I’ve found us to be compatible!
• I have gay guys in different area codes. I’m a fag-hag extraordinaire. Are you a gay man with extensive knowledge of Broadway, Real Housewives, and Dance Moms? Well, you’ve found your girl!
• Sometimes my lady hero Tina Fey, personally tells me which restaurants I should eat at, and I do.
• And sometimes I have the most wonderful luck and meet some of my favorite humans.

Anything else you want to know?

Just ask. As my all-time favorite TV character, Brenda Chenowith, would say, “I’m an open book.”

And here are links to all of my various blogs:
Weight Loss Progress Blog / Fuck Yeah, Rachel Griffiths / Six Feet Under Caps / Personal Blog